Do women pursue a career out of choice or under pressure to conform? How does Islam view work in general and women’s work in particular?
We have discussed some negative effects of feminism on the modern woman:
•How they were manipulated to serve commercial purposes at the expense of their wellbeing
• How they were made to feel guilty for being women and for needing men
•Replacing family with a career
•Pursuing casual sex rather than marital commitment and stability.
We have also explored the effects of those massive changes on women’s moral values, psychology and physiology, as well as the enormous social pressures that prevent women from reconnecting with who they really are under the pretext of “rights” and “empowerment”.
Women worldwide have learnt to pursue college education and a career as a top priority by default, putting their own natural and legitimate needs on hold relegating them to being less important. Women who do not follow this pattern are labeled “losers”, “drop outs” or “oppressed.
While knowledge is definitely a must, and useful work is crucial for a person’s sanity and sense of purpose, women must also have the right to decide for themselves how to design and spend their lives, to retain their individuality and sense of self. If humans are expected to fit into a rigid frame or else be regarded as failures, then the choice they think they have is simply an illusion.
In this context, women today are much weaker than ever because they are not free to choose between options. Instead, they are forced to suppress their natural inclinations, and disturb their natural balance in order to fit a standard frame imposed by others.
Women and Work-life balance
By modern psychological standards, a work-life balance involves taking control of one’s life to get a daily dose of both achievement and enjoyment within the four areas of life: work, family, friends, and self. This balance helps maintain psychological wellbeing necessary for leading a healthy and diverse life, without feeling like a clone or a machine, or letting one activity monopolize one’s time and effort, because this imbalance leads to feelings of exhaustion, emptiness and useless, which result in extreme stress and unhappiness.
In reality, the work-life balance is more of a dream than an applicable system to the majority of people. Everyone complains that after the daily struggle of a full time job, no time or effort is left for anything else. Women in particular suffer the most under these conditions, because their emotions are more intense, and their needs are at odds with this depleting routine. A new report from the University of Melbourne shows that women suffer more job-related depression than men. Job demands which turn them into “automatons” without recognition or reward result in deep clinical depression.
Work vs. Career
I often wonder:
· Why is work suddenly synonymous with “career”?
· Why only a full day schedule for at least 5 days a week qualifies as “work” nowadays?
· Why is anyone who doesn’t conform to this system seen as inferior, regardless of the added value of the creative or unusual kind of work they do?
· Why has pursuing a career become a goal in itself, not a means to a better life – as work should be?
Students,whether male or female, are expected to start pursuing a “career” as soon as they graduate, which often refers to a highly specialized job with a prestigious organization. Career path planning is a skill to be learnt in courses. One of life’s top goals and priorities for young people is to constantly progress in a career.
While this is wonderful for a young man whose main ambition is job success as
.
a means to starting and supporting a family and having a stable life, it should be less of a priority for a young woman for whom fulfillment comes from exercising her femininity to the fullest and I don’t mean by putting on her “Amazon woman” armor, then camouflaging it with tight short skirts, high heels, heavy makeup and jogging after a bus at 7 in the morning to get to work on time; but by simply being a woman - a soft, poised lovely being with lots of inner beauty and oceans of faith and emotions. A “woman” who nurtures, loves, cares, and spreads warmth and love in the world; a wife and mother - and eventually a grandmother whose fondest memories are not of smashing presentations in the boardroom, but of first baby words in the nursery room.
It is time to admit that what a woman does to nurture others (young and old) is highly specialized work which no one else but her can do: Latest research shows that children of middle class working mothers cannot talk properly because of lack of interaction, and must be helped by other close relatives, such as grandparents, to be able to acquire the necessary language skills. Children as old as three years were found in the UK who could not speak one word because of lack of interaction! How does that compare to a salary raise or a job promotion?
Islam’s Work-Life Balance vs. the Protestant Work Ethic:
Islam’s balanced and holistic approach to life is built on a solid core, advocating realistic priorities and goals, and considering natural man-woman roles and preferences. Planning for this life is considered shortterm by Islamic standards, as life in Islam is infinite in length; therefore, long term includes after-life as well. Amassing wealth or material goods is no indication of special privilege from God; to the contrary, it’s viewed as a serious test for the rich. This is at odds with the Protestant “work ethic” ruling the western world today, which views material success as a sign of God’s approval and a ticket to Heaven.
Work in Islam. as a basic concept of high value refers to one’s complete record of deeds in a lifetime, not just at the job. No Muslim man woman or child is exempt from doing good deeds and contributing to improving life for oneself and others. Women are guaranteed financial support by male family members so they are not pressured to provide for themselves, in return for performing their female roles within the family and society. They are also allowed to have a job as long as they do not compromise core values in the process. The concept of a career where work is the top priority in life at the expense of anything and everything else is non-existent.
People under Islam are not expected to be identical copies either; instead, individuality and creativity are recognized within a general framework of balanced laws. Islam also advocates consuming responsibly: extravagance and falling slave to haphazard consumerism for status or showing off is unacceptable.
Choice is a Responsibility and a Human Right in Islam
Humans are given that right by God in the Qur’an. Every adult man and woman is accountable and requiredto make choices. It is actually a punishable sin in Islam to willingly give up one’s right of choice, and turn into a mindless follower in order to evade responsibility, and blame the consequences on others. God forgives sins if repented and followed by good deeds, so there is no excuse for being passive.
Families should realize their massive responsibility in steering their daughters towards a proper future, but once a girl reaches puberty she is accountable for her own choices, and she cannot simply blame the results of her bad choices on others, including her family, society or the media.
She is required to get an education in order to make good choices in this life, in preparation for a thorough evaluation by God Himself in the next life. This is the lesson Muslim parents should teach above all else!
Do Career-Women Really Have a Choice?
This brings to mind the classic manipulative approach: would you like to do the dishes before or after dinner? While offering an illusionary choice, this approach actually imposes an action on you whether you like it or not. Actually, you could choose to do the dishes tomorrow, delegate the task to someone else, or simply refuse to do it altogether. Same free approach applies to making major life choices.
Most of my career-women friends do not need the money because they come from well off backgrounds; work to them is usually an escape from loneliness or from admitting they know no other way of spending their lives as females. They drive long hours in terrible traffic, eat junk because they have no time to eat at home, work long hours and travel a lot in often unsafe environments, dress uncomfortably or un-Islamically to “impress”, wear make up to mask their fatigue, go to an expensive gym right after work -instead of home to rest- feeling guilty about their unhealthy life styles and their “ugly” bodies. They cry themselves to sleep out of loneliness, and indulge in partying or expensive shopping on weekends to justify their depressing lives. They almost boast of their inability to cook, do housework, or finding time to read, and they are not impressed by the men who propose marriage to them.
Who benefits from destroying so many beautiful young women in the ruthless corporate grind? Is anyone aware of the mass devastation of female identity? What are women themselves doing –other than complying- to regain their birthrights?
Real Experience From a Female Reader
Here is what a female reader wrote to me in reaction to these articles. She’s in her early 30’s and holds a top position in a multinational organization in Cairo:
“Yes, there is a deliberate change that is affecting all of us and yes, women’s attitude affects the treatment they receive from men. I don’t want to become a man, I love being a woman, but being a woman is a real weight on my shoulders in our society, where ethics and manners are expressed in “appearances” rather than in true practices.
“Being a woman doesn’t seem to be enough to get through the daily battle with men who are waiting to attack at work, on the street or in personal life. I believe women were forced to change their behaviors and personalities (sometimes their looks as well) to be able to compete and cope. Becoming a radical feminist might have been a deliberate choice for some women, but it wasn’t an option for the rest of us. We had no choice but to change to defend ourselves! We can’t win accepting the tradition female roles or characteristics.
“I have changed drastically since my father passed away, and unfortunately nothing worked except being so aggressive and even violent. I have an iron stick now in my car to protect myself, I raise my voice at my colleagues at work and shout at our doorman so they’d respect me and do their work.
“Am I becoming really harsh and aggressive? Yes! Unfortunately, I am learning many negative skills from men, but do you think I chose this? I hope this shows why “feminism” is the only option!”
This insightful comment is testimony to the deliberate and systematic change of our individual and social values to serve corporate interests, regardless of the wellbeing of women. Note the reader’s use of the words “battle, attack, defend, aggressive, violent” in describing her relationship with society, work, and men. Obviously, our society has been changed so much that the Islamic ideal of unconditional male protection for every woman has become ridiculous and naïve. Muslim women should not be left to feel so vulnerable that they have to willingly change into mutant men to survive. It is destructive to compromise our values to match a system built on totally different principles to serve entirely different purposes. Women do not have to accept such damaging conditions, they must start exploring the options, and stand up for their true rights to be “real women”.
But what should a woman do with a good education? How could she work without letting career replace her feminine priorities? And how are men responding to these drastic social changes? These and more are themes to explore in the next articles.
We have discussed some negative effects of feminism on the modern woman:
•How they were manipulated to serve commercial purposes at the expense of their wellbeing
• How they were made to feel guilty for being women and for needing men
•Replacing family with a career
•Pursuing casual sex rather than marital commitment and stability.
We have also explored the effects of those massive changes on women’s moral values, psychology and physiology, as well as the enormous social pressures that prevent women from reconnecting with who they really are under the pretext of “rights” and “empowerment”.
Women worldwide have learnt to pursue college education and a career as a top priority by default, putting their own natural and legitimate needs on hold relegating them to being less important. Women who do not follow this pattern are labeled “losers”, “drop outs” or “oppressed.
While knowledge is definitely a must, and useful work is crucial for a person’s sanity and sense of purpose, women must also have the right to decide for themselves how to design and spend their lives, to retain their individuality and sense of self. If humans are expected to fit into a rigid frame or else be regarded as failures, then the choice they think they have is simply an illusion.
In this context, women today are much weaker than ever because they are not free to choose between options. Instead, they are forced to suppress their natural inclinations, and disturb their natural balance in order to fit a standard frame imposed by others.
Women and Work-life balance
By modern psychological standards, a work-life balance involves taking control of one’s life to get a daily dose of both achievement and enjoyment within the four areas of life: work, family, friends, and self. This balance helps maintain psychological wellbeing necessary for leading a healthy and diverse life, without feeling like a clone or a machine, or letting one activity monopolize one’s time and effort, because this imbalance leads to feelings of exhaustion, emptiness and useless, which result in extreme stress and unhappiness.
In reality, the work-life balance is more of a dream than an applicable system to the majority of people. Everyone complains that after the daily struggle of a full time job, no time or effort is left for anything else. Women in particular suffer the most under these conditions, because their emotions are more intense, and their needs are at odds with this depleting routine. A new report from the University of Melbourne shows that women suffer more job-related depression than men. Job demands which turn them into “automatons” without recognition or reward result in deep clinical depression.
Work vs. Career
I often wonder:
· Why is work suddenly synonymous with “career”?
· Why only a full day schedule for at least 5 days a week qualifies as “work” nowadays?
· Why is anyone who doesn’t conform to this system seen as inferior, regardless of the added value of the creative or unusual kind of work they do?
· Why has pursuing a career become a goal in itself, not a means to a better life – as work should be?
Students,whether male or female, are expected to start pursuing a “career” as soon as they graduate, which often refers to a highly specialized job with a prestigious organization. Career path planning is a skill to be learnt in courses. One of life’s top goals and priorities for young people is to constantly progress in a career.
While this is wonderful for a young man whose main ambition is job success as
.
a means to starting and supporting a family and having a stable life, it should be less of a priority for a young woman for whom fulfillment comes from exercising her femininity to the fullest and I don’t mean by putting on her “Amazon woman” armor, then camouflaging it with tight short skirts, high heels, heavy makeup and jogging after a bus at 7 in the morning to get to work on time; but by simply being a woman - a soft, poised lovely being with lots of inner beauty and oceans of faith and emotions. A “woman” who nurtures, loves, cares, and spreads warmth and love in the world; a wife and mother - and eventually a grandmother whose fondest memories are not of smashing presentations in the boardroom, but of first baby words in the nursery room.
It is time to admit that what a woman does to nurture others (young and old) is highly specialized work which no one else but her can do: Latest research shows that children of middle class working mothers cannot talk properly because of lack of interaction, and must be helped by other close relatives, such as grandparents, to be able to acquire the necessary language skills. Children as old as three years were found in the UK who could not speak one word because of lack of interaction! How does that compare to a salary raise or a job promotion?
Islam’s Work-Life Balance vs. the Protestant Work Ethic:
Islam’s balanced and holistic approach to life is built on a solid core, advocating realistic priorities and goals, and considering natural man-woman roles and preferences. Planning for this life is considered shortterm by Islamic standards, as life in Islam is infinite in length; therefore, long term includes after-life as well. Amassing wealth or material goods is no indication of special privilege from God; to the contrary, it’s viewed as a serious test for the rich. This is at odds with the Protestant “work ethic” ruling the western world today, which views material success as a sign of God’s approval and a ticket to Heaven.
Work in Islam. as a basic concept of high value refers to one’s complete record of deeds in a lifetime, not just at the job. No Muslim man woman or child is exempt from doing good deeds and contributing to improving life for oneself and others. Women are guaranteed financial support by male family members so they are not pressured to provide for themselves, in return for performing their female roles within the family and society. They are also allowed to have a job as long as they do not compromise core values in the process. The concept of a career where work is the top priority in life at the expense of anything and everything else is non-existent.
People under Islam are not expected to be identical copies either; instead, individuality and creativity are recognized within a general framework of balanced laws. Islam also advocates consuming responsibly: extravagance and falling slave to haphazard consumerism for status or showing off is unacceptable.
Choice is a Responsibility and a Human Right in Islam
Humans are given that right by God in the Qur’an. Every adult man and woman is accountable and requiredto make choices. It is actually a punishable sin in Islam to willingly give up one’s right of choice, and turn into a mindless follower in order to evade responsibility, and blame the consequences on others. God forgives sins if repented and followed by good deeds, so there is no excuse for being passive.
Families should realize their massive responsibility in steering their daughters towards a proper future, but once a girl reaches puberty she is accountable for her own choices, and she cannot simply blame the results of her bad choices on others, including her family, society or the media.
She is required to get an education in order to make good choices in this life, in preparation for a thorough evaluation by God Himself in the next life. This is the lesson Muslim parents should teach above all else!
Do Career-Women Really Have a Choice?
This brings to mind the classic manipulative approach: would you like to do the dishes before or after dinner? While offering an illusionary choice, this approach actually imposes an action on you whether you like it or not. Actually, you could choose to do the dishes tomorrow, delegate the task to someone else, or simply refuse to do it altogether. Same free approach applies to making major life choices.
Most of my career-women friends do not need the money because they come from well off backgrounds; work to them is usually an escape from loneliness or from admitting they know no other way of spending their lives as females. They drive long hours in terrible traffic, eat junk because they have no time to eat at home, work long hours and travel a lot in often unsafe environments, dress uncomfortably or un-Islamically to “impress”, wear make up to mask their fatigue, go to an expensive gym right after work -instead of home to rest- feeling guilty about their unhealthy life styles and their “ugly” bodies. They cry themselves to sleep out of loneliness, and indulge in partying or expensive shopping on weekends to justify their depressing lives. They almost boast of their inability to cook, do housework, or finding time to read, and they are not impressed by the men who propose marriage to them.
Who benefits from destroying so many beautiful young women in the ruthless corporate grind? Is anyone aware of the mass devastation of female identity? What are women themselves doing –other than complying- to regain their birthrights?
Real Experience From a Female Reader
Here is what a female reader wrote to me in reaction to these articles. She’s in her early 30’s and holds a top position in a multinational organization in Cairo:
“Yes, there is a deliberate change that is affecting all of us and yes, women’s attitude affects the treatment they receive from men. I don’t want to become a man, I love being a woman, but being a woman is a real weight on my shoulders in our society, where ethics and manners are expressed in “appearances” rather than in true practices.
“Being a woman doesn’t seem to be enough to get through the daily battle with men who are waiting to attack at work, on the street or in personal life. I believe women were forced to change their behaviors and personalities (sometimes their looks as well) to be able to compete and cope. Becoming a radical feminist might have been a deliberate choice for some women, but it wasn’t an option for the rest of us. We had no choice but to change to defend ourselves! We can’t win accepting the tradition female roles or characteristics.
“I have changed drastically since my father passed away, and unfortunately nothing worked except being so aggressive and even violent. I have an iron stick now in my car to protect myself, I raise my voice at my colleagues at work and shout at our doorman so they’d respect me and do their work.
“Am I becoming really harsh and aggressive? Yes! Unfortunately, I am learning many negative skills from men, but do you think I chose this? I hope this shows why “feminism” is the only option!”
This insightful comment is testimony to the deliberate and systematic change of our individual and social values to serve corporate interests, regardless of the wellbeing of women. Note the reader’s use of the words “battle, attack, defend, aggressive, violent” in describing her relationship with society, work, and men. Obviously, our society has been changed so much that the Islamic ideal of unconditional male protection for every woman has become ridiculous and naïve. Muslim women should not be left to feel so vulnerable that they have to willingly change into mutant men to survive. It is destructive to compromise our values to match a system built on totally different principles to serve entirely different purposes. Women do not have to accept such damaging conditions, they must start exploring the options, and stand up for their true rights to be “real women”.
But what should a woman do with a good education? How could she work without letting career replace her feminine priorities? And how are men responding to these drastic social changes? These and more are themes to explore in the next articles.
